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Thread: Lesser Path

  1. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Phantasy_snot View Post
    very suspenseful, i approve
    Thanks. Suspense and cliff-hangers are my goal

    Quote Originally Posted by SatyrBane View Post
    darth twins wasnt a very serious or suspenseful story so i wouldnt look for inspiration there ( i did co-author it)
    You can't know what pushes the buttons in my brain.





    A big thanks to Venn for featuring my Story in the latest issue of TQ.net magazine! Got my view count tripled in 1 day.
    Last edited by Alek_tq; 12-23-2010 at 08:15 AM.
    Every day, the sun rises.

  2. #12

    The Reward

    --The Reward--

    It was noon already and the restless horseman was still on the road. Now a dusty sack hanged from his shoulder, and in it was some hay and Aristides’ head. The mid-aged man was on his way back to the stronghold, to bring the proof of his deeds and claim his reward.

    Last night he managed to make a beneficial agreement with his master. The tyrant was afraid that, if he sent him to slay Aristides, he would never return. So he came up with insurance:
    Lately, a story had spread through people that a young woman claims to have visions. This oracle claimed she had seen the hero of Greece slay the Gorgons, then the Minotaur, giant scorpions and dead pharaohs, the Chimera and even two Telkines. She claimed that the hero had reaped grand power from these creatures and that once the hero slays the Typhoon, he should be equal to the gods. This knowledge that the tyrant intends to share with his slayer, draining the power from the monsters, was supposed to insure his safety for the time being. He knew that his current champion wouldn’t stick around after learning about this, so a worthy replacement was already in place – a younger, stronger guardian.

    The tyrant sat in his throne, calm but distant. He was interrupted by the sounds and the commotion outside his court. His champion kicked the doors open and entered the room. With a grin on his face, he threw the sack forward. Sack hit the floor and the head fell out. The head then rolled on, towards the throne and finally reached tyrant’s foot. Satisfied, the tyrant placed his foot on the dead man’s head and waved his hand at the guard on the left. The guard whispered to someone else and they brought in the oracle.

    “Your reward, take her! She’ll tell you what she knows and then you can do with her whatever you desire. I no longer need your services, so I’ll ask you just once to leave peacefully.”

    The slayer grins even harder.

    “Now that I have the source of all the power, what makes you think I’d stay here protecting a puny master?”

    He replied just to show he was not to be pushed around and then toke a closer look at the so-called oracle. It was the first time he saw one with his own eyes. It was a young girl, short and skinny. From her dirty tunic he could tell her father was a poor farmer, or that she was heavily abused while she was waiting for his arrival. Either way, this didn’t concern him. All he wanted from her is information: how to become the most powerful warrior since Achilles.

    “Come now. I hate wasting time.”

    The oracle hesitated for moment but then remembered the cruelty of the tyrant and willingly left with the mid-aged man, accepting her fate as it is.

    Last edited by Alek_tq; 03-30-2011 at 03:09 PM.
    Every day, the sun rises.

  3. #13
    Chapter III doesn't bring much excitement, but it does reveal some of the story. Probably one of the big surprises!

    Hope you enjoy it!

    To those that read, please take a moment and let me know what you like the best so far The most fun thing you could do (for me) is let me know who is the hero(s) of this fiction

    K! Thanks, Cheers!
    Last edited by Alek_tq; 12-23-2010 at 08:17 AM.
    Every day, the sun rises.

  4. #14
    Allrite, a little treat for those interested! I guess reading this will get you sucked in this world a bit more ;D

    Malis is an actual ancient Greek settlement. (Aristides of Malis ). Its located to the far south of Thessaly (as seen on map). I've marked down the area in wich this story takes place, just to show off how in-depth I've gone. Though, honestly, I didn't bother much fitting in the history with everything, seeing how the developers of TitanQuest didn't bother much either .


    I did try to connect to the story, however, I consider the whole ImmortalThrone part a bit too far, so I'm probably going to avoid it. I've also alternated a bit of the vanilla story.

    As you may already know, the heroboy is already done with 2 Telkines and Act I, II and III. Heroboy is coming back to Greece, mt Olympus to finish the 3rd Telkine and face the Typhoon.

    I'm currently working on chapter IV, and while my original story is soon to end (I plan to keep it down to V-VI chapters), I might expand it with ImmortalThrone. The only thing I'm afraid of is writing a story about a guy seeking vengeance (haha, some old member might get the reference) and that's probably the 2nd reason I'm avoiding IT. I've read many books since my last inputs (which was ~a year ago), mostly S. King, C. McCarthy and R. Matheson, among some world wide famous domestic authors, such as I. Andric).

    Ok then.. this was actually longer than I originally planned.. Let me know if I'm annoying you with these less related posts and if I should just stick to writing the story
    Last edited by Alek_tq; 12-23-2010 at 08:53 AM.
    Every day, the sun rises.

  5. #15

    --The Beginning of the End--

    --The Beginning of the End--

    The mid-aged man and the oracle were halfway to Mt Olympus. They’ve been wondering through these woods for what seems to be a whole day, but the sun was still strong and bright, and there wasn’t even a sign of evening and dusk. If there wasn’t for tall trees and their branches to protect them, they’d feel as warm as if they were in a desert. The oracle slowly told her story. She spoke how she saw through hero’s eyes. How she saw the hero slay all the monsters of legends, and how the hero reaped their power, becoming a divine force that would surely defeat the Typhoon and liberate Greece. From her story, it became clear that slaying these legendary monsters brought power, the kind that mid-aged man wanted.

    He was exhausted and even the horse refused to go on, so he decided to take a longer break. Up in front of them, next to a big tree were two large rocks covered in moss and in-between them water came out. This spring simply lured them with its freshness - it was a pleasant escape from the strange scourging sun. First he put down the girl and then he dismounted the horse as well. As soon as the horse was free of their weigh, it laid down to rest, something horses do only when they’re ill. They were both sleepy; he slowly walked towards the dirt-bed in front of the spring. Falling down carelessly, he leaned on the cold rock, threw his head backwards and closed his eyes. Sleep was rushing into him, but not fast enough for him to miss noticing the oracle. She laid next to him, her head on his left elbow, both careless and tired - they fell asleep.

    They woke up to the crackling sound in the distance. It was still noon, so he thought they had slept through the night. He was struggling to open his eyes completely, but then the oracle aided him in this minor quest by screaming “Fire!” Confused, he jumed on his feet and focused on the part of the woods in front of him. Indeed, there was smoke everywhere, but no fire. Still, a woodland fire wouldn’t be a surprise due to the immense heat of the sun today. The oracle held her hands over her mouth, she had no trouble breathing, it was just one of those things weak people do at a sign of trouble. The horse was uneasy on its legs, it walked behind and around the couple and then pushed the mid-aged man’s shoulder with its head. They mounted the horse quickly and started rushing north, towards Olympus and away from the fire.

    Fire had spread as fast as they ran, but thankfully, the edge of the woods was near. They could see the grassy fields and hills outside clearly, so they pressed on, faster than before. The horse leaped over a moat and landed outside the woods, mid-aged man forced the horse to keep going, so that they were as far away from the woods as possible. Pumped with adrenaline and under the effect of tunnel vision, mid-aged man hadn’t notice what oracle had:

    There were no clouds to hide the peak of Olympus. She could clearly see the godly temples up there, something nobody had ever seen before. The peak was unreachable to men and hidden by clouds at all times, and this was the first occasion someone had actually set their eyes on the home of the gods.

    Above the temples, way up in the sky, the sun stood still. It was right above Olympus, not a meter off target. It emitted even greater heat now, and she had finally noticed a bright ray of sunlight hitting the summit. It was as if the sun was giving all of its energy to some great good… or evil.
    Last edited by Alek_tq; 03-30-2011 at 03:17 PM.
    Every day, the sun rises.

  6. #16
    The longest chapter yet brings more suspense to the story!

    I've got some good news, I guess:
    I've come up with a great way to implement Immortal Throne to my story, so hold on, there just might be an expansion after the original V-VI chapters are done.

    My apologies for the delay on this one, had lots of other responsibility during the weekend.

    Alritey then! Enjoy!
    Every day, the sun rises.

  7. #17
    I appologize for the delay. I've been distracted by some responsibilities (.. ok I'll admit. I've been partying for 7 days now).

    I've just started polishing the finishing chapters. One should be posted as soon as today!
    Every day, the sun rises.

  8. #18

    Into the depths

    --Into the depths--

    “Stop! Stop!!! Look!”

    Yelled the oracle. The man looked up and got overwhelmed for a moment. Then he seized his rationality again and decided to leave the oracle behind and press on. Curios by nature, the oracle insisted to stay with him and see what this is all about. The man put her down and ordered her to run to nearby village of Larissa and help the people there, even though he knew that there wasn’t much she could do. The oracle hesitated but, in the end, obeyed. She ran off east and the man never saw her again.

    Horseman’s fixation was back, only this time it was the foot of Olympus, and not a bandit. He was carried by his horse, even faster now, towards a dark gap in the mountain. As he got closer the gap grew, became bigger and bigger, and the earth shook stronger and faster. A cave opened, and from it, on the right side, streamed boiling lava, and on the left crystal clear water. The man pulled the string and the horse stopped, he un-mounted and the horse pulled hard, ripping the string out of his hands. The horse had set itself free and ran away. Shocked by the fear he saw in the horse, he got fixated even more and pushed on even faster - fearless, excited, unstoppable.

    He made the first steps through pitch black dark, but then a light appeared far in the distance. The man ran and ran, until he finally reached the source of lights. It was a giant temple illuminated with two torches made out of whole logs. In between the torches and in front of the doors was a bone pile. Men, dogs, horses, rats, birds and gods know what else, all sharing the same resting place, twisted and mixed, crushed and scattered. The heavy wooden doors of the temple where open, barely but enough for the man to find his path. He heard screams and yelling from the other side, but the log-torches burned loud and he couldn’t tell for sure who or what it was. He continued deeper.

    The doors were at his reach and now he could clearly hear something behind them. A voice, deep, immortal, yelled and screamed. He peaked behind the doors and saw a Telkine. This vile creature only had a veil to cover its body; it had a furry dog head, gills and flippers instead of hands. But he couldn’t see the Telkine's enemy.

    "Who is it fighting against?"

    Thought the man as he grabbed the doors with both hands. He leaned on the wall with his left leg, and pulled with all his strength. Strong will helped him produce great momentum and the doors opened just enough so he could squeeze through and get shocked once again.

    The inside of the temple was illuminated by the Telkine; as the monster produced some sort of purple light. One third of the pillars that held the temple was broken in half and the Telkine had wounds all over its body. The monster yelled in a strange language, it grabbed and threw debris at certain places, but the man still couldn’t see its enemy. Then the monster was pushed back and it screamed louder. More and more wounds appeared on its chest and face, until finally its head was cut off and it had hit the ground. The light it was emitting was gone and now a shade of a warrior in armor had appeared.

    The warrior crouched and grabbed an amulet from Telkine, then said something in the same strange language that the Telkine spoke and a portal appeared. The portal emitted the same purple light so that this time he could see the warrior’s face - the warrior was a woman.
    Last edited by Alek_tq; 03-30-2011 at 03:25 PM.
    Every day, the sun rises.

  9. #19
    The story continues! I tried to come up with another twist (or a surprise, if you will) that will affect the rest of the story, if I ever decide to write part 2 (cuz there is 1 chapter left and this is done!).

    Happy new year to everyone! (And happy Orthodox Christmas, to those like me ) I hope that this year we'll all be happier, cuz happiness is the most important thing in life!
    Every day, the sun rises.

  10. #20
    Demigod
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
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    R'lyeh
    Posts
    840
    I see you have changed the telkine from the creepy sorceror dudes like they are in TQ to the modern interpretation of them as sea demons who look like dogs.

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